A principle my parents have repeated to me is that nobody in the world is a mind reader. Therefore, to get what you want from other people you have to be as clear as you possibly can.
I usually hate going to a new barber because they ask me tough hair questions that I do not feel qualified to answer. They ask things like, “Do you want it short on the sides?” “How much should I take off the top?” “What gage should I use?” “Do you want it thinned out?” I’m not a barber. I don’t know this stuff. Why can’t they just do their job and give me a haircut I like? The big problem is that after 34 years of getting haircuts, I still have a lot trouble knowing what is actually going to make me happy. But I can say, after the barber is finished, I usually do know whether I’m satisfied or not.
It’s a tough situation for a new barber because she can’t read my mind. All she can do is guess what I want, and compounding the challenge, sometimes I don’t even know what I want. Sometimes I just want to say something like, “make me look cool, or do something that will be appropriate for work.” I have been going to my current barber, Dita, for many years. She can remember what I’ve liked in the past because she cuts my hair every month, but what makes her special is that she can use her intuition to style my hair in ways that I couldn’t have envisioned myself.
It is a wonderful and rare thing to be able to trust a pro to do what I want without proper instructions. Dita is just about the only person in this world who I can say comes close to reading my mind. When going to new barbers, my best results have come when I first comb through a magazine and find a photo of an actor or model whose hair I like, and then show the photo to the barber before she begins. The barber then at least has a clear vision of what I have commissioned her to create. Please new barber, do not ask me how to do your job. You’re supposed to be the pro!
At Graff-Pinkert we constantly repair and rebuild screw machines, a process which takes both creativity and experience trying various methods to make machines work smoothly. We always encourage our mechanics to ask questions when they are unsure how to deal with a problem, as it is obviously better to ask than screw up a machine or get stuck and waste time. We have the advantage of employing people with decades of screw machine experience — we have an Irish guy who has worked on Wickmans for a half century. More often than not, the solutions to their technical problems come from the mechanics conferring with each other rather than with the people in the office. Lloyd, Rex, and I want to know the significant technical issues occurring in the shop, but sometimes we just have to say, “I’m not sure how to do it, but I know you can figure it out. SO JUST GET IT DONE.” The mechanics get paid because they are professionals who we can trust to do things we can’t. The system usually works well, because even though we don’t know how to repair the machines, we at least know what we want in the end.
There are very few people in this world like my barber who can predict what other people want. So before you can clearly tell someone what you want from them, you better make sure what you want is clear in your own mind first.
Question: Do you usually get the haircut you want when you go to the barber?
Noah Graff is a Salesman at Graff-Pinkert & Co.
Check out this Seinfeld clip in which Jerry’s carpenter unsuccessfully reads his mind